Questions to ask your grandparents: 60 to get the stories while you can

Your grandparents have lived through things you’ll only read about, and they remember people nobody else alive remembers. These questions are a way in. Pick a handful, ask one at a time, and follow wherever the answer goes.

The best questions to ask your grandparents are open ones about their childhood, their parents, how they met their partner, their work, the history they lived through and what they’ve learned. Ask one at a time, follow up with “what happened next?”, and record the answers if they’re happy for you to. Sixty questions are below, in six groups.

Build your grandparent interview

ChildhoodFamily historyLove and friendshipWork and moneyHistory they livedLife lessons

0 of 15 questions on your list

Your list is empty. Tap + on any question above.

Copy my listPrint with note spaceClear

Tap a question to add it to your list. Nothing you pick here is stored or sent.

Quick takeaways

• Open questions (“What was it like…?”, “Tell me about…”) get stories; yes-or-no questions get yes or no.
• Start with childhood and easy memories. Save regrets and hard times for later, and only if it feels right.
• One topic per visit works better than a marathon interview.
• Record with permission, or write the answers in a journal straight afterward.
• Research on teenagers links knowing family stories with higher self-esteem, though it can’t show cause.

Why should you ask your grandparents about their lives?

Asking your grandparents about their lives keeps family stories that would otherwise be lost, and it may be good for younger family members too. Researchers at Emory University found that teenagers who knew more about their family history reported higher self-esteem and a stronger sense of identity.

Robyn Fivush and Marshall Duke built a 20-question “Do You Know?” scale, asking children whether they knew things like how their parents met and where their parents grew up and went to school. In their study of 66 adolescents aged 14 to 16, higher scores went with better family functioning, higher self-esteem and a stronger sense of identity. The authors are careful about what it means: the sample was small, the design was correlational, and they say the findings need replicating. Knowing the stories may be a sign of families that talk, rather than a cause of anything.

There’s a simpler reason too. Once the people who remember a story are gone, it’s gone. The nonprofit StoryCorps has recorded tens of thousands of interviews for exactly this reason, and keeps them in its archive, preserved at the Library of Congress’s American Folklife Center.

Questions to ask your grandparents about their childhood

Questions about childhood are the easiest place to start: ask about their earliest memory, the house they grew up in, their friends, school, food and what they did for fun. These memories are often vivid and happy, and they get the conversation going before you move to deeper topics.

1. What is your earliest memory?
2. What was the house you grew up in like? Walk me through it.
3. What did you do for fun when you were my age?
4. Who was your best friend growing up, and what did you get up to?
5. What was your favorite meal as a child, and who made it?
6. What were you scared of as a kid?
7. What was school like for you? Which teacher do you remember?
8. What did you want to be when you grew up?
9. What chores did you have to do?
10. What’s something kids do now that you would have loved as a child?

Questions to ask your grandparents about family history

Family history questions cover their parents, grandparents and where the family came from, plus traditions, recipes and the stories passed down. Ask about your own parent as a child too; grandparents are often the only people who remember those years in detail.

11. How did your parents meet?
12. What were your parents like? What do you remember most about each of them?
13. Where did our family come from, and how did they end up here?
14. Which stories did your grandparents tell you?
15. What traditions did your family keep that we’ve lost?
16. Who in the family was the storyteller, the rebel or the peacemaker?
17. What was my parent like as a child?
18. Tell me about the day my parent was born.
19. Are there any family recipes, sayings or objects with a story behind them?
20. Is there a relative you wish I could have met? Why?

If you’d like to turn the answers into something lasting, the guide to writing a memoir has a timeline tool that works just as well for someone else’s memories.

Questions to ask your grandparents about love and friendship

Ask your grandparents how they met their partner, what their first date was like, how they knew, and what has kept their closest friendships going. These questions often bring out funny stories, and they’re a gentle way to hear about people who have died.

21. How did you meet Grandma or Grandpa? What did you think the first time you saw them?
22. What was your first date like?
23. How did you know they were the one?
24. What was your wedding day like?
25. What’s the secret to staying together a long time, if there is one?
26. Who was your first crush?
27. Which friendship has lasted the longest? What keeps it going?
28. What did you argue about most in your marriage, and how did you sort it out?
29. What did dating look like when you were young?
30. What do you miss most about the people you’ve loved?

Questions to ask your grandparents about work and money

Questions about work and money cover first jobs, wages, the hardest work they did, lean times and what they’re proudest of. Asking what things cost when they were young is an easy opener, and it tends to lead straight into a story.

31. What was your first job, and how much did it pay?
32. What jobs have you had over your life? Which one did you like best?
33. What was the hardest work you ever did?
34. Was there a time money was tight? How did you get by?
35. What did things cost when you were starting out?
36. Did you ever take a big risk at work or with money?
37. What did you do on your days off?
38. Who taught you the most about working hard?
39. What would you have done if you could have picked any career?
40. What are you proudest of from your working life?

Questions to ask your grandparents about history

Ask your grandparents about the world events they remember, how their town has changed, and the inventions that changed their daily lives. Ask where they were and what they were doing, rather than what they thought; personal details make history stick.

41. Which world event do you remember most clearly? Where were you when you heard?
42. How has the town where you grew up changed?
43. What new invention changed your daily life the most?
44. What do you remember about the first time your family had a TV or phone?
45. Did you or anyone in the family serve in the military? What do you know about it?
46. What did people worry about when you were young?
47. What music did you listen to as a teenager? Who was your favorite singer?
48. What was the biggest change you’ve seen in how people live?
49. Was there a time you were part of history, even in a small way?
50. What do you think young people today don’t understand about your generation?

Questions to ask your grandparents about life lessons

Life lesson questions ask what they’ve learned: the best advice they were given, what they’d tell their younger self, the hardest times and what got them through. Keep these for later in a conversation, and let them choose how much to say.

51. What’s the best advice anyone ever gave you?
52. What do you know now that you wish you’d known at my age?
53. What are you most proud of in your life?
54. Is there anything you regret, or would do differently?
55. What was the hardest time in your life, and what got you through it?
56. What makes a good life, as far as you can tell?
57. What has changed about you as you’ve gotten older?
58. What do you hope people remember about you?
59. What do you want me to know about our family?
60. Is there anything you’ve never been asked that you’d like to talk about?

How do you interview your grandparents?

Interview your grandparents by choosing a quiet time, asking permission to record, starting with easy questions and following each answer with “what happened next?” or “what was that like?” Keep it to about an hour, one topic per visit, and write up what you heard in a journal soon afterward.

• Ask first. Explain why you want to hear their stories and check they’re happy to be recorded. A phone’s voice recorder is enough.
• Bring something to look at. Old photos, a map, a recipe card or an object from the house.
• Ask one question at a time, then wait. Silence often brings the best part of the answer.
• Follow the story, not the list. If an answer opens a door, go through it; the list will still be there.
• Don’t correct them. Memories differ. Note other versions later.
• Stop while it’s still fun. Another visit beats an exhausted grandparent.
• Write it up the same day. Even with a recording, note the stories that mattered to you and the questions you want to ask next time.

The builder at the top of this page prints your chosen questions with space under each one for notes, which makes it easy to write as they talk.

What if you can’t ask your grandparents anymore?

If your grandparents have died or you can’t reach them, ask the people who knew them: parents, great-aunts and uncles, family friends and neighbors. Many of the same questions work. You can also write to your grandparent in a journal, saying what you remember and what you wish you’d asked.

Ask older relatives the family history questions above, with “What do you remember about…” in front. Old letters, photos with writing on the back, and public records can fill some of the gaps.

Writing to someone who has died can also help. The guide to unsent letters shows how to write a letter you’ll never send, and what to do with it afterward.

For more questions that help you understand yourself and the people around you, try the questions to ask your friends about yourself, or browse the journal prompts hub.

Grandparent questions

What are good questions to ask grandparents?

Open questions about their childhood, their parents, how they met their partner, their work and what they’ve learned. “Tell me about…” and “What was it like when…” get stories; follow up with “What happened next?”

How many questions should I ask in one visit?

Five to ten is plenty. One good story can fill an hour, so pick a topic, bring a few questions and let the conversation wander.

What should I not ask my grandparents?

There are no banned questions, but go gently with illness, loss, money troubles and family fallouts. Ask if they’d like to talk about it, and accept a no.

How do I record my grandparents’ stories?

Use your phone’s voice recorder with their permission, and write notes in a journal straight after. Label each recording with the date and topic so you can find stories again.